<body> ...Lost In Beauty...
...she's Beautiful...

.::.sILiN.::.sHaYnE.::
.::.bIaTcH.::.bUmMeR.::.

...beauty wishes...

::.a tRip tO hOkKaiDO!.::
::.fAmIly's sAfEtY & hEAlTh.::
::.my dEsiReD cAr --> SJK 403U.::
::.cArTiEr SaNtOs 100 wAtCh.::
::.tIfFaNy & Co nEcKlAcE.::
::.LV cOlLeCtiOnS.::

...my peeps...

.::.fAtz.::.
 .::.pAtsY.::.
 .::.jAnEy.::.
.::.aMaNdA jIe.::.
.::.lInGz.::.
.::.fErLiN.::.
.::.sHeRiNa.::.
.::.GeNeVieVE.::.
.::.R-wErKs.::.
.::.mAuReEn.::.
.::.fELiX.::.
.::.tHiNi.::.

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    •
    ...now playing...

    ...beauty spits...



    Saturday, October 15, 2005


    i dunno why..but this song jus rings in my mind..its questioning me, "haf u ever".."haf u ever"..

    today's a rough day, a smooth beginning but a rough ending..

    sometimes i feel i'm rite, sometimes u're rite..past bad memories shadows me in my head..i've scars in my heart tt cant be smoothen..u'll neva understand wad i've been thru..the bad & very rough times, it was a really tough road for me to walk..and its ok tt u cant understand..but sometimes, u jus cant bear to let go even the person is a convict..i hope this explains why i dun dare to look at u whenever we argue, or i keep very quiet & bottle everything up in me..u can say, i'm trained in this..i'm not thinking of questions to bombard u or stuffs tt i wanna rant at u..in myself, i'm jus telling myself to calm down, think wad went wrong, dun argue anymore..its not stuffs tt i wanna argue back or bombard u..i noe my face wun look good, but in me, i'm jus telling myself not to argue anymore, let u rant, let u vent until u feel ok..this was the way i did in my past..i jus grant tt person to vent any anger, any frustration, any rage on me..i jus allow it..

    i hope u can understand the way i am..u can say i dun haf the guts to argue back..but being slapped in the face before, haunts me..i noe you are you, tt person is tt person..but the shadows lingers..

    i've learnt tt hating someone will make oneself miserable..but i din noe, tt oneself will make the other half miserable too..i'm sorry..

    maybe i've been thru much stress, pressure..guess u've been too at ur work..maybe tt's the reason why we dun see eye to eye today..i'm jus upset in myself for being so petty..i should haf jus allowed u to enjoy urself wit ur fwenz..i used the wrong words to express myself and it got misunderstood..but at tt point of time, i wondered to myself did u ever try rejecting..i guess u dun haf a choice too..guess i gave the wrong attitude..

    i neva tell u abt my past bad stuffs cuz i feel ashamed..and i dun wanna remind myself of my past..ppl look down on me, despise me for the way i am..i jus wished i had the strong foundation in me i used to haf..tt this is the way i am, this will be the way i carry myself..i wish i had tt..i've become very conscious of myself, my surrounding, my area, my environment..i've changed, this i will not deny..

    i'm sorry for spoiling our dinner..thru the way u reply me in msgs, maybe its jus being short and sweet but it jus feels weird..u've neva msg lidat to me before..guess its "karma"..wad goes ard, comes ard..i understood the meaning of "retribution" last yr..and it really tore me apart..no one expected i'll turn out tt way, but i jus did..i was torn & shattered into pieces..i think u knew abt it too..

    guess i did msg tt way to u before & u're doing wad i did to u..karma..i understand le..

    i dunno wad to do or say now..jus haf a good rest..and i hope tml will be a better day..

    ...beauty exposed ;